Oh Come On!

I'd like to start a new series called "Oh Come On!" In this series I plan to ridicule certain products that I find absolutely ridiculous and/or the commercials they are advertised on. First up:

Maybelline's Pulse Perfection

Now I know they are not the first make-up company to come out with this ridiculous idea, but it's the commercial I just saw so they're getting picked on. It's bad enough that make-up companies expect me to believe their mascara is going to magically transform my puny lashes to long black fronds, but do they think I'm stupid enough not to realize that the models on their commercials are wearing fake eyelashes? No one has lashes that long.

So now they have come out with a mascara brush that vibrates. This vibrating action supposedly helps you coat your lashes completely. "At 7,000 vibrations per minute, the movement of the brush is designed to mimic the zig-zag motion that a professional makeup artist might use." Oh Come on! Seriously...how hard is it to wiggle your mascara brush? Do you really need a vibrator to help? Have we become this lazy?

Hello? Is this thing on?

I'm not sure anyone even reads this blog anymore, considering I haven't been posting on any form of a regular basis. Did you know I just gave birth a little over a month ago? Right. So stop complaining. I created life! What the hell have you been doing?

I posted my birth story to the family blog, so I won't rehash it here. I'll just let you know what's been going on since I introduced our boy Fletch into the world. Let's see...Fletch actually only ended up weighing 7 pounds and 15 ounces. I'm glad that ultrasound at week 36 was complete bologna. Labor was the easiest part. When I say easy, I mean "holy crap that was so easy I'd do it for someone else if they needed me to." It was the following weeks that no one really warned me about.

If I had to give one piece of advice to any expecting mothers out there, it is to take a breastfeeding class. Yeah, I know it's hard to learn when you don't have an actual baby to latch onto your bewb, but there is A LOT to learn! Did I take one of these classes? NO. I thought that my kid would have no problem latching onto these large melons. HA! Seriously ladies...take the class.

I met with a total of 4 lactation consultants. All of which told me completely different things, but were all equally nazi-ish about breastfeeding. I was given a nipple shield by one of them, because she was busy and impatient and couldn't get Fletch to latch. Then I had to listen to all of the other LCs tell me how bad nipple shields are and that I need to wean him off of it immediately. So of course I'm freaking out and I called a LC to come out to my house for a nominal fee to try and help me get Fletch to latch without a shield. I was given a TON of information, which I did not process very well. All I remember was "NO BOTTLES AND NO PACIFIERS - YOU MUST FEED THIS BABY NIGHT AND DAY." I tried her method and the next day I was exhausted and had a nasty case of mastitis. Considering my boy had already gained back all the weight he lost and an extra 2 ounces at his 2 week appointment, my hubby convinced me that I shouldn't worry about how Fletch was getting the milk and to find something that worked for me. That meant letting Atom give Fletch bottles at night so I could actually sleep, while trying each time to get Fletch to try the real bewb.

Guess what...5 weeks later, the kid loves the bewb. I don't know how it happened, it just happened one day. I didn't stop giving bottles or the pacifier and he just figured it out on his own. We give him some formula at night and sometimes a little in the early evening, but mostly breast milk. Did I feel guilty about giving him formula? Yes, for about 5 minutes. Then I remembered that babies all over the world are thriving on a formula diet and a few ounces a day won't make my kid stupid.

So we're 5 weeks into this adventure and I still pretty much feel like a milk machine. The baby eats like these are the last pair of bewbs on Earth. I try to get out of the house at least once a week or have friends come by, just to try and feel somewhat normal again. We have lots of plans through the end of the year, and now we just need to find some babysitters!

I'm really happy and enjoying my beautiful baby boy. It really feels amazing to know that this little man loves me and this love comes from a deep instinctual place. I don't really know how anyone can deny the existence of God or a higher power, because once I looked into my son's eyes I knew that he was a gift custom made for Atom and I.